No Going Back
by jessalyn78
Summary: "Neither of them meant for it to happen. Both of them felt terrible afterwards. But a part of him, the selfish part of him that had fallen in love with his childhood best friend and sister-in-law, wanted it to happen again." Takes place four years after the series finale, newly divorced Lucas and not-so divorced Haley fall for one another and give into desires. Laley pairing.
1. Chapter 1

Lucas smoothed the fluffy, white hotel comforter down before taking a seat at the end of the bed. He scanned the room slowly; it was exactly liked he remembered. Exactly like it was the last time he was there with _her_. He had called her to meet him there again to talk, but if he was honest with himself talking was the last thing he wanted to do. He wanted her again. _Badly._

He still remembered the way her hair smelled that night. The way her lips felt on his. The way her body felt in his arms. Neither of them meant for it to happen. Both of them felt terrible afterwards. But a part of him, the _really_ selfish part of him that had fallen ass-backwards in love with his childhood friend and sister-in-law, wanted it to happen again.

If you had told him seven years ago that he'd be where he was now he wouldn't have believed you for anything in the world. At that point in his life, he finally had everything that he wanted in life- Peyton was his wife, and they had a perfect daughter, and a dog, and a white picket fence, and all of that other stupid cliché stuff that for some strange reason meant everything to him. But it all fell apart, almost as soon as he got it. They only had a few happy months away from Tree Hill before Peyton started acting differently. He thought that Peyton had gotten over her pattern of self-destruction and depression after high school. He thought that she had faced her demons and grown into a stronger person, but as soon as she started drinking that all seemed to be blown to hell. She grew increasingly reckless, and drawn into herself. It was clear that she was unhappy and that broke Lucas's heart, but nothing he did seemed to help. Eventually Peyton felt like she couldn't hold the family together anymore at all, so she did the only thing she could think of to ruin it for herself. She took up with a bartender at some dive outside of town. With him things were simpler; she could indulge in her drinking habit without feeling the guilt of letting her family down. At that point even her little girl wasn't enough motivation to get better. She was in too deep, an alcoholic in the truest sense of the word. Peyton left Lucas and Sawyer with nothing more than a note, and he was absolutely devastated.

And then there was Haley. Beautiful Haley. She came back into his life like an angel and pulled him out of the world of misery, regret, and self-pity he was living in after Peyton walked out of his life. He wasn't quite sure that he would have made it if it weren't for Haley and her balance of compassion and toughness. He could still hear her voice in his head. _"What you are going though is absolutely awful, but you need to pull it together because your daughter has already lost her mother. She can't afford to lose her father too!" _That had been exactly what he needed to hear. He felt secure with Haley. He knew that she loved him, but she'd also kicked his ass if he deserved it. She was his gravity, the pull to the earth that kept him sane.

He wasn't sure exactly when the dynamic between them had changed. When he fell in love with her. Maybe it was the first night she came to see him after Peyton left and she put him in his place, or maybe it was the next time he saw her when she leaving the café in a rush, her hair drenched in rain and make up running down her face, or maybe it was the time after that when he watched her sing for the first time. _Really _watched her sing, and saw how happy and in her element she was.

His whole life he had seen Haley as nothing more than a friend, but as he sat there in that room and waited for her, he couldn't imagine a time where he could ever want anyone else again. All he wanted was to run his hands through her wavy honey-blonde hair and feel her soft pink lips against his. All he was to hear her crazy cackle of a laugh. All he wanted was to hold her in his arms forever.

It was selfish. It was beyond selfish. He knew it wasn't the best thing for any of the people he loved. Not Sawyer, or Haley, or Jamie, or Lydia, certainly not Nathan. But for the first time in his life he didn't care. The way he saw it, there were only so many chances in life to be happy. Truly happy. So when one comes, you should hold on to it for dear life.

He stared at the clock and began to feel nervous. Haley was about 40 minutes late. What if she wasn't coming? What if something happened to her or one of the kids? His dark thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. He took a sigh of relief as he opened it and saw her standing there.

"Haley" he sighed. "You came."

"I did" she responded coldly as she walked into the hotel room. "But not to have sex with you again."

"I know that" he nodded. "But I think we need to talk again, don't you?"

"Yeah" she nodded as she took a seat on the bed. "Let's talk."

"Are you okay?" he asked with worry in his voice.

"No" she scoffed. "I cheated on my husband, Lucas. With his _brother_. With… _you_. You're Lucas. The Lucas I grew up with, and…"

"And what?" he asked as he sat closely next to her.

"It's wrong" she spat back, thoroughly frustrated.

"It is" he agreed. "But in a way it also feels inevitable, doesn't it?"

Haley understood what Lucas meant. "I guess in a way I've always been in love with you" she admitted sadly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked with a smile. Even before he fell in love with Haley, she could have told him anything.

"I always told myself to forget it because I didn't think you felt the same" she shrugged. "And then I chose to be with Nathan, and all the feelings I had for you, I swear they went away until…"

"Until Peyton walked out on me?" he asked.

"Until you kissed me" she corrected. "It was pretty clear that there was something there. That there was a lot there. A lot of pent up feelings, and frustrations, and… love. I love you Lucas. I'm in love with you. I'm not sure how long it's been true, but it is."

A wide smile broke out across his face. She felt the same. She felt it too. He felt like a teenager again, and all he wanted to do was kiss her.

"But I'm married" she said as tears filled her eyes. "And I _love _Nathan. We've been through so much together, and the kids-"

"You aren't leaving him for me" Lucas said sadly. He knew that she wasn't from the beginning, and he didn't even know if that would be what he wanted if given the choice. But damn it, it hurt like hell to think that they couldn't be together.

"When we had sex-"

"Made love" Lucas interrupted, correcting her. "We _made love_ Haley." As far as Lucas was concerned that was the only way to describe what he felt for her.

She nodded at him sadly. "I told myself that'd be it. That I'd let myself be with you just that once and then never again, but-"

"But what?" he asked as his eyes widened.

"I want more" she said shyly. "I want you, and I don't know how to stop it."

"What are you saying?" he asked as he brushed a strand of hair out of her face. Was she going to let him take her again? The anticipation was killing him.

"I want you to leave town" she said, avoiding eye contact as she stood to her feet.

"Haley" he said desperately as he stood in front of her and grabbed her by the shoulders. "No. No, I can't leave you."

"I can't be around you" she cried. "I can't be around you because if I am-"

"If you are, what?" he asked.

"I'll keep wanting you!" she said exasperated. "Every time I see you, I'll ache. I'll ache with guilt knowing I cheated on my husband with his brother. I'll ache because I'll know you can never touch me again. I'll ache because I'll want to touch you."

"So touch me" he dared as his voice broke. "Please Haley; let me make love to you again."

"I can't" she said as tears filled her eyes.

"You can" he whispered in her ear as he pulled her coat away from her body.

"I hate you" she said as a sob rocked her body. She wanted to push him away, but a part of her couldn't. She was too lost in her feelings. Her will power was strong enough to keep her from touching him, but damn it, it wasn't strong enough to stop him from touching her.

"Shh" he soothed as his tongue invaded her mouth. "It's going to be okay Haley" he said gently as he lifted her into his arms. "I'm going to take care of you."

**Please Review! It's a one-shot for now, but if there's a good response I'll write more!**


	2. Chapter 2

"What the hell are we doing?" Haley asked in a broken voice as she leaned into Lucas's chest, satiated after making love with him for the second time. She was looking for reassurance, some sort of justification, but she knew that was impossible. There was no justifying having sex with her brother-in-law.

"We're loving each other" Lucas answered as he held her closer. As far as Lucas was concerned what they had done wasn't wrong. It may have felt wrong the first time, but now making love to her was as natural as taking his next breath. He never wanted her to leave his arms.

"And hurting everyone we care about in the process" she responded regretfully. "This is without a doubt the most selfish thing I have ever done in my entire life. I don't know how I'm ever going to forgive myself for this." Haley was completely confused. In a way she was more in touch with herself than ever, giving into feelings she had hardly even acknowledged in the past. Deep feelings that had been eating away at her for practically her whole life- when Lucas would go on and on about his crush on Peyton when they were kids and she would dream that one day he'd decide that _she _was the one he really wanted all along, when she looked at Lucas during her wedding and for one fleeting moment wished it was him on the altar with her, when she saw Lucas miserable, with red puffy eyes and a hangover to match after Peyton took off and her first instinct was to kiss the tears off of his face . However, she was also betraying herself. Nathan and her family with him had been the most important thing to her since she was seventeen years old and she was risking all of that to give into this secret desire, live out this "what if?" fantasy life.

Lucas understood Haley's pain, but he didn't feel the same way. He couldn't. To forgive himself he'd have to regret sleeping with Haley and he didn't. He couldn't. As far as he was concerned it was the best thing that had happened to him since Peyton left. He didn't regret making love to Haley James Scott, and he'd do it again, in fact he planned to.

"I just feel this connection to you" she explained as she drew imaginary circles on his chest with her finger. "I'm drawn to you, like a moth to a flame… I'm just asking to get burned."

"We've always had a connection Hales" he answered as he kissed the top of her head. "And now it's even deeper."

"And unless we stop this is going to keep getting deeper" she warned. "Both of us are going to fall deeper and deeper into this until we can't find our way out."

"I think I'm already there" Lucas smiled in response. "I can't walk away from you Haley. I won't."

"And I can't walk away from my family" she said, keeping the sheet drawn to her chest as she sat up.

"I'd never ask you to leave your kids" Lucas scoffed. "I love those kids like they were mine own."

"I know you do" she sighed. "You and Jamie have always had such a strong bond." Even saying Jamie's name while she was where she was seemed wrong. She felt like the world's worst mother. "My God" she groaned. "What is he going to say when he finds out that his Mom and his Uncle Lucas had an affair?"

"I don't know" he replied, as he sat up and kissed her cheek. He didn't really know what Haley was thinking. She was talking about Jamie finding out; did that mean she was going to tell Nathan? "Do you want him to find out?" he asked, searching her eyes.

"No" Haley scoffed. "Of course not. But the truth always has a funny way of revealing itself."

"So what are you going to do?" Lucas asked, his voice growing urgent. "Go back to Nathan? Sleep in his bed every night? Forget we ever even happened? How are you going to do that Hales?" Haley was his sister-in-law, but at this point the thought of Nathan putting his hands on her made his stomach lurch. He never wanted another woman after what they had, so the thought that she could want another man baffled him, and quite frankly made him jealous. Really jealous. Jealous at the thought of his own brother and sister in law.

"I don't know" Haley snapped tearfully. "I can't imagine ever _not _being with Nathan." They had been through so much together. Been together for so long. He was a part of her, and she felt tied to him. But compared to this draw she was feeling to Lucas… their relationship had become dull and passionless.

"When you're with him, is it like this?" he asked in a moment of heightened insecurity.

"No" Haley admitted honestly. "It's totally different. I've never felt anything like what we have, Lucas. I don't even necessarily_ like_ this, but it just feels so much bigger than me. I can't control it. I can't stop it. A part of me just needs to be with you. I don't know if it's an instinct to self-destruct, or if I've just fallen for you that hard, but I just can't get you out of my head as much as I may want to.

"So you really don't want this?" he asked as tears filled his eyes. Hearing Haley say she didn't like being with him felt like a knife to his chest. What she described sounded more like a torrid affair than the deep soulful connection he was experiencing.

"I don't know what I want anymore" she cried. "Every time I'm with you Luke, I feel awful, but…"

"But what?" he asked imploringly.

"But every time I'm not with you I want to be. My head tells me it's wrong but my body and my heart won't listen."

"I thought you were the kind who always listened to your heart, Haley James" he smiled.

"Not when it's being stupid" she groaned. "Luke, we _cannot _keep doing this. We're going to get caught and it's going to blow both of our lives apart."

"No" Lucas disagreed. "The only thing that would blow my life apart would be losing you."

"What about losing your brother?" she asked in frustration. "Because that's exactly what's going to happen. Not only will both of us lose Nathan, but this will _destroy _him."

"I don't want to hurt Nathan" he admitted as his voice broke. "But I'm not going to be the bigger man this time. Not when it comes to you." He'd do anything to have Haley.

"I think you're holding me on a pedestal" she said, gazing at her lifelong friend and recent lover with sympathy and understanding. "This is thing between us is so strong because it's so new, and it's so forbidden but eventually it's going to fizzle out. It won't be like this forever."

"No" he agreed. "We'll settle down eventually. Grow old together."

"Luke-" Haley interrupted, wanting to stop his train of thought. They weren't going to grow old together, she knew that and deep down he did too. But the more he let himself think like that the more he was going to hurt himself. "I promised to be with _Nathan _until death parts us. I promised to grow old with him."

"People break promises" he scoffed. "Peyton did."

"Don't you want to be better than Peyton?" she seethed. "Because right now we aren't."

"Don't say that" he scoffed. "This is nothing like what Peyton did."

"Really?" Haley asked. "She cheated. Lucas, what do you think we're doing right now?"

"Peyton was a whore!" he screamed, letting all of his pain out about his past relationship and his current one. "She screwed for the sake of screwing. This is totally different. I _love _you Haley."

"And I love you" she said, resting her hand on his arm to calm him.

"Peyton was lost in her addiction Lucas. That was why she cheated. And in a way…. We're doing this for the same reason."

"Neither of us are drunk" he scoffed.

"No" she agreed. "But we're addicted. To this. To being with each other. This is much more toxic and addicting than any drink ever thought of being."

"You make it sound bad" he scoffed.

"It is!" she said throwing her arms in the air. "This is bad Luke. This is really, really bad."

"No" he said shaking his head furiously. "This is good Haley, just like it was the last time."

"Stop it!" Haley scolded.

"Admit it" he said, taking her by the shoulders and looking deep into her eyes. "You love this. Being with me. It's what you want."

"I can't" she cried.

"What are you afraid of?" he asked, wiping a tear from her face.

"Getting my heart broken" she answered as she cringed.

"Oh baby" he sighed. "I'd never, never break your heart."

"Losing my family would break my heart" she answered.

Lucas got what Haley was saying, but he wasn't about to let her go that easily. He had a plan. He'd get her in the end, but at the moment it wasn't in the cards. She wasn't going to leave Nathan… at this point. But if he could keep her coming back for more, he could wear her down. It might have made him a manipulative son of a bitch, but at this point he didn't give a damn. Being with Haley was all that mattered.

"I'm taking a shower" Lucas said as he stood to his feet and let the sheet fall to the floor. "Joining me isn't going to make you lose my family Haley, and I know it's what you want."

"No" she shook her head as she looked away.

"Okay" he sighed. "If you change your mind you'll know where to find me." He knew she wasn't going to be able to resist his offer. She was in just as deep as he was . He'd have Haley back in his arms in a matter of moments, and soon he'd have for the rest of his life.

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	3. Chapter 3

Haley leaned back against the hotel room pillows and wondered what the hell she was going to do. The thought of Lucas waiting for her only a few feet away, ready to take her again, excited her, and that made her feel incredibly guilty.

But Lucas finally wanted her. She never thought she would have that. She never thought he would look at her as anything more than a best friend. She thought she would have to spend the rest of her life denying her feelings to herself like she had been for so long. It started out as an innocent crush, one that she had harbored for many, many years. But as soon as she married Nathan, this "crush" became something totally different. It was her darkest desire. She'd only let her mind wonder once in a while. When it was time for Nathan to get home from work and she wondered what it would feel like if Lucas walked through the door instead. When Nathan would kiss her neck, and for a brief moment she'd let herself pretend it was Lucas…

The first time Lucas touched her, after admitting his feelings, she knew they were going to have a problem. When he didn't have any interest in her it was easy for him to be off limits, but now? Now she knew that all she had to do was snap her fingers to have him between her legs again. The temptation was too great. Every time she looked at him she lost herself imaging his hands on her hair, his mouth on her skin…

She knew she had to get out of that bed before she slept with Lucas again, but something kept her glued to that mattress. She let her mind slip back to that first night they made love…

_"Luke!" Haley gasped, quickly wrapping her arms around him. "What the hell is going on? Are you alright?"_

_"Yeah" he chuckled. "I'm fine. What's going on?"_

_"You called me… told me to meet you here, you said it was an emergency. I was so worried about you and Sawyer."_

_"My little girl is fine" Lucas smiled. "She's back at the house. Skills is watching her. And I'm fine too. In fact, I'm better than fine."_

_"Then why the hell did you call me to come meet you in a hotel room at 11:00 at night on a Wednesday?"_

_"I've been staying here a couple nights a week so I could have some time to myself to do this" he beamed as he handed her a stack of papers. "And it's done…. I finally finished it Hales."_

_"What is it?" she laughed, flipping the first page over._

_"Just the next great American Novel" he said, feigning a casual tone._

_"You wrote another book?" Haley squealed. _

_"I sure did" he said proudly. "I wanted you to be the first person to see it."_

_"What's it about?" she asked with a wide grin, taking a seat on the edge of the bed._

_"The same thing I always write about" he said nervously._

_"Peyton?" Haley asked in surprise. Lucas hadn't mentioned Peyton in so long, and every time he did he spoke with such contempt in his voice._

_"No" Lucas scoffed. "I didn't write about Peyton this time. I wrote about the woman I'm in love with."_

_Haley immediately set the manuscript down and rose to her feet. She knew where this was headed. Lucas had already let her know that he had feelings for her. In fact he had kissed her, and the worst part was that she liked it. But she knew it couldn't happen. She needed to make sure Lucas knew that too._

_"Haley-" Lucas said softly._

_"You wrote a damn book about me?" she asked with an edge in her voice._

_"Yeah" he shrugged. "It's a little cliché. It's one of the stories about a boy who chases after the pretty cheerleader types he can never really have when the women he is clearly meant for is right in front of him the whole time. But he doesn't realize it until it's too late." _

_"Too late?" Haley asked, turning around to face him. She should have walked out of the room right at that moment but something was keeping her there. _

_"The girl falls in love with another man. Marries him. And she isn't the type to walk away from a marriage. In fact, that's one of the reasons the main character loves her so much in the first place. She's fiercely loyal."_

_"So it's a paradox?" Haley asked, desperately trying to make of the situation._

_"Huh?" Lucas asked._

_"The man loves the woman because of her goodness. But if she leaves the man she's committed to for him, she'll be betraying the very part of herself the man loves her for. She'll change. Become something different."_

_"I never thought of it that way before" Lucas admitted. _

_"Because you want it both ways" Haley nodded. _

_"Why do I get the feeling we aren't talking about the book anymore" Lucas sighed._

_"Because we aren't, and you know it" Haley replied. "We're talking about this thing that's been going on between us for months."_

_"So you do feel it?"_

_"Of course I do. But it doesn't mean anything. It can't mean anything." _

_"Haley" he said softly as he walked closer to her, and cupped her face in his hands. "We have a connection. That's just the way it is."_

_"Don't" she said shakily as her resolve began to break._

_He wanted to kiss her, but he knew that wasn't what Haley wanted. She wasn't ready for that… yet. So instead he picked his manuscript off the bed and handed it to her. "The woman's name in the story is Mabel."_

_"Why Mabel?"_

_"Mabel means beautiful and lovable" Lucas smiled. _

_"What'd you name yourself" she scoffed._

_"Cecil"_

_"Where'd you come up with that?"_

_"Cecil means blind" Lucas explained. "He's blind for so long to how wonderful this woman is, until one day he isn't, and his world changes forever."_

_"But he's still blind to the fact that this woman is taken?"_

_"A woman like you can't be taken Haley" he scoffed. "You're strong and independent. You're the only one who can control your destiny."_

_"I always thought my destiny was Nathan" she sighed. "But sometimes when you get married at seventeen years old, you wonder."_

_"Wonder what?"_

_"What could be, if your fate wasn't sealed so young."_

_"How often do you think about that?"_

_"Not often" Haley scoffed dismissively . "I don't know it's just one of those nagging thoughts that's always in the back of my mind."_

_"Am I ever a nagging thought in the back of your mind?" he asked._

_"Yeah" she admitted in the heat of the moment. "Especially lately. It's just so tempting…"_

_"What do you mean?" he asked inching closer to her._

_"The thought of losing control for once. Not being the strong one. Letting loose and just doing something because I want to. Something selfish, something scary…"_

_"Then what's stopping you?" he asked daringly._

_"Me" she said, taking a deep breath. "Lucas if I dive head-first into a relationship with you I don't know what I'll come out the other end as."_

_"You'll still be Haley" Lucas smiled. "You'll always be my Haley."_

_"Lucas-"_

_"Just once Haley" he interrupted, whispering in her ear. "Make love to me once so we can both know what it's like to be together. So we carry the memory with us afterwards. Let me show me how much I love you."_

_"Just once?" Haley asked, barely above a whisper. She couldn't believe she was letting her mind go there. She couldn't believe she was letting the words leave her mouth._

_"Once" Lucas nodded, as he pressed his lips against her neck. "Once."_

_"Once" Haley nodded, giving into him…._

"What a lie" Haley said angrily as her mind snapped out of the memory and she stood to her feet. She _never _should have slept with him. Not then, and not earlier that night. Because it was too good. Because she cared about him too deeply. Because after just once she wanted him even more, needed him as if he was her oxygen or pull to the earth. She knew that the more she let herself give into him the harder it would be to find her way out of this. She was just asking for her marriage to Nathan to be blown to hell, and the thought of that made her sick inside.

She knew what she had to do. As much as it hurt, she had to leave Lucas. She quickly threw her clothes on haphazardly and ran for the door.

She knew how mad it looked for a woman to be running through the lobby of a hotel room, clothes disheveled, makeup smeared, and hair a tangled mess, but she didn't care. How could she care what other people thought of her when she didn't even know how she felt about herself anymore? All she knew was that if she had to get the hell out of there. The hell away from Lucas. Away from this beautiful man she had fallen hopelessly in love with.

The cold air met her skin as she flung the front door open and it was if reality came crashing down at her all at once. She wanted to be back in that bed. Back in Lucas's bed. But instead she was standing in the middle of the road, in the rain, fumbling through her purse for her keys.

"Damn it!" she cursed, trying to stop herself from crying because she knew if she started she'd never stop. She had left the keys in the room. She'd have to face him again. She'd have to tell him she was leaving. She wasn't even sure she had the strength to walk out again.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath trying to find the courage within her to do what she knew she needed to. But as she opened them she was met with a loud screech and a bright light that consumed her vision entirely. She hardly had a moment to process what was happening, but she knew that it was a sensation she _had_ experienced before. It was exactly what happened the last time she was hit by a car.

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